Waturi Diaries

Six Times You Should NEVER Take a Loan

At one point in our lives each one of us has had or will have to take a loan. Sometimes loans are the only viable options to take us to the next step. A lot of people have started successful conglomerates with loans. For instance, Sam Walton, the founder of Walmart started with a $25,000 loan from his father in law. Having said that, it is not always that borrowing money is a wise decision. Below are six times you should never borrow money.

If you cannot Repay

It goes without saying that you should not borrow more money that you can be able to pay. I you do, you risk missing the deadline, and paying more in accrued interests. Before borrowing, access your current situation to determine if you can afford the repayment.

If there is no short tenure

Long tenures often mean more interest and thus more money than what you borrowed. If the loan you are seeking does not allow payment within a short period of time, then drop it and get another option.

If it is not necessary

If you can do without the loan, then don’t get it. For instance, there is no need to borrow money for vacation when you can save or get a cheaper option.

If you are borrowing to pay another loan.

When you borrow a loan to pay another loan, remember that the new loan comes with interest too. At the end of the day you end up spending more money especially when you are borrowing to pay a small debt.

If you are in a hurry

Sometimes you rush to take a loan without evaluating your options. Before taking a loan always consider the situation. That way you can determine if the loan is necessary and if it’s the only option

If you do not have a plan for the money

Sometimes, you may have a good reason to borrow money but lack a good spending plan. Without a spending plan you risk wasting all the money. Moreover, you may not accomplish your goal and you will still have a loan to pay.

In Conclusion…

Borrowing, just like any other financial decision, requires careful planning and deliberation to avoid unnecessary expenses that can rag you behind.

Hii nchi mnaionaje (how do you see this country?) he asks in an animated tone that tells me he is sure his bait has worked. I look at him and see the excitement and anticipation in his eyes as he awaits the political debate that is to come. At this point he doesn’t know it well never come; i am not a politician. I am also not sure if he can tell, but i in 5 seconds i have taken a mental swoop of his features, less that one second actually, i already know his insides like the back of my hand. I have already seen his liver looking like a baobab tree and i can see the traces of last nights spirits and gin dancing audaciously in his veins and leaving small footsteps all over his liver like Konyaki the giant child.

He diverts his attention to a stocky tout that is incessantly rapping on his window and waving a ksh 500 note. He ‘sorts’ the tout and gets back to me, “where were we?” Should i tell him, my brain wonders, he looks at me, surprise written all over the seven wrinkles on his forehead. I try to read between the lines but all i see is small tiny tiny pores struggling to breathe or whatever it is that pores do. I am sure i did not wonder out loud. So i continue wondering should i tell him that there is a huge delicious strand of collard green that is hugging his incisors. I want to tell him, i really do. In fact, i have exceptional conversational skills, i can always mumble and nod and ‘sure’ my way out of a conversation and then later think of all the things i should have said. But right now i open my mouth and my teeth chatter like some angry Ashanti drums or some evil sorcery chant somewhere in Enugu. The bewildered look in my eyes is as useless as Danny without her dragons.

So i settle. I settle for his animated banter, as the collard green dances and waves like K’naan’s flag. Thank you goddess of winter, i see what you did there but there was no need to strike me with dumbness!

If you have ever been in a relationship, one of a romantic nature or otherwise, there are those moments you look at the other person and wonder; what was i thinking? During those moments, you turn to Dr. Google and type things like; how to deal with a moody husband, or how to deal with a roommate who uses all my shampoo, or if you are really really pissed off you type; my best friend has been ignoring me for five years now and i did nothing to her, i am worried please help. It is true that the doctor needs as much symptoms to diagnose your diseases but Dr google works in mysterious ways. He wont know whether your problem is the five years, or you are looking for song lyrics. Instead of going through that much trouble why not follow these very simple rules ?

• When there is a problem never ever communicate. Instead choose a corner in the house for yourself and make a perimeter wall around it. In fact from that moment on, make sure you blow enough air into your cheeks to keep you swollen like a garden toad. Don’t tell the other person you are angry. They are in a relationship with you that means they are angels. They should know you. If they don’t address the issue walk around the house singing songs like Adui zangu nimewasamehe bure eeeeeh or better yet go ballistic and sing kifooo kifo. Bottom line never ever communicate even if you want to sell the microwave that you guys bought together. Just bring a strange man or woman in the house and start haggling as the other person’s eyeballs dart across their face trying to understand what’s going on. That works wonders.

• Should your partner break the first rule and decide to talk to you, don’t ever listen. Make sure you are only nodding half attentively or better yet keep quiet. Keep yourself busy with Fifa ’21. You can also constantly interrupt them by showing them the newest chunky heels and telling them you want those for the anniversary of when the two of you met. This trick especially works if your partner is stressed . To avoid looking like a monster, just drop a ‘don’t worry ‘ that you don’t mean and go on your business. Your partner will eternally be grateful to you.

• Make sure you fan your insecurities. Fuel them until they blow out of proportion. If you notice you are reading mischief in every whatsapp status that your friend or partner posts, your insecurities are ripe for harvest. This goes for text messages too. Always make use of the screenshot function to archive this important evidence. Don’t confront him/her that day or week, don’t even do it that year. Wait until you are old and arguing over your will then bring up the screenshots.

• If you are one of those members of the human race who are notorious for breaking rules, and you happen to get into a conversation with your partner, never ever apologize. Apologies are the one thing that can kill the death of your love. Don’t do it. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. That is code for you are perfect, you don’t make mistakes. In fact, ignore the whole argument and start whistling Mukangala. If the other person confronts you justify yourself, read the bible and the constitution and the ‘bro’ code- is there a sis code?- to them. Show them it’s their fault, always their fault. Make sure you sign off by telling them they are lucky to have you.

If you follow these four rules, your relationship will not last longer than milk on the cooker. You will hardly connect with people and bonus, you are guaranteed a looooong lonely life like Klaus Mikaelson. We all live for a looooong loooonely life.

At least you will be cute or hot or whatever this is.

The year is several years after i arrive in this dimension crying and screaming wild much to the agony of my tiny minute lungs, yet the adults breathe and laugh and smile. I have been purged from my comfort zone to a sea of cruelty and uncertainty. These are the thoughts crossing my mind as i float on the narrow tarmacked paths that threaten to push their way into the walls of beautiful flower beds surrounding them and escape to freedom. This will be my new home for a good part of four years. I am still reeling from the culture shock and thinking i need a new heart, the old one has been battered by the new life that i have experienced in the past week.

I get to my class still in my spontaneous daze, i stand outside and pretend to be busy on my symbian phone reading old messages from my subscriber. At some point in the future, i will pick this phone and pretend to be having a loving conversation with some anonymous person, i note that that is five minutes from now when people start strolling into the classroom each with the ‘swag’ of their home in Nairobi, so i wait.

Ten minutes from now, i will spot a guy, he will be short, nice hair, light skin, a very confident and interesting gait. In fifteen minutes class with have begun. We will all introduce ourselves. I will hear his name and learn he is of a different tongue from a foreign land that i fell in love with long ago. I don’t know it at this moment but i will spend my four years deeply in crush with him, after four futile years i will love him for eternity, not the way lovers do, but i will care about him enough to worry about his whereabouts ten years from now. Unfortunately, he will have changed his number so i will begrudgingly delegate the worrying to the almighty.

Two years from now i will embarrass him , it won’t be intentional, it will be the result of shock and disbelief that he is actually going to lunch with me, of course that will be the end of us. He will spend four years dating girls, that are nothing like me . I will be in my kitenge and long flowing skirts, the fashion of my village; they will be in carrots and tank tops and crop tops and pencil skirts and trousers and i will be no match for them and every time my heart will sink. By the time i’m in my third year, my heart will be on its way out of the pyloric sphincter.

Right now, i know not of all these. All i see is him in all his glory and his laptop. Its the first time i am seeing a laptop up close and i am impressed from my village to Alabama. I also notice his shirt, a cream colored shirt and a black trouser that he did not bother to press. He will later reveal that that was once his uniform. This image will buy shares in my head and engrave itself there.

He will encourage me when my two left feet betray me in dance class and he will do so without getting too close. Damn! In my second year, some spirit will attack me and i will hate him or so i will pretend. But his kindness will melt my heart every day. I will notice even the smallest of gestures. I will forever remember the gift he gave an old woman somewhere in the west, a woman he did not know had never met, i will remember clutching my heart to stop it from melting all the way; the impact of his gesture.

In my fourth year, we will have lunch and i will stop lying to myself that i hate him. I, however, will not reveal it. I will pack my bags and fly to my mother land and there i will spend my life hoping he is okay. I will stalk him on social media, i will call once before his number goes mteja and my hopes are kaput. The short man from a foreign land with a light skin, the kind that lights my heart, the man i love not the way lovers do.

Water is life no doubt, but pray tell me where do you dispose off your waste water?

I recently witnessed a hilariously sad event. Hilarious because i am an evil person and sad because it really was sad. It was one of those lazy days and i was just standing by my window gazing at the street below and hoping that Mr. Charming would pop from around the corner and make me his betrothed. My dreamy gaze was cut short by a plump woman down the street. She was heaving and panting in anger as she yelled a string of profanities that made me draw my curtains very fast.

There’s nothing as good as gossip on a boring afternoon, so i just stood by the window, curtains drawn and started separating the wheat and the shaft until finally i had an obscenity free story. It happened that the woman was on her way to a women’s chamaa. Then as she was passing below a nearby apartment, someone had decided to baptize her with unholy water; the kind that looks like the earth itself.

It’s a trend i have observed in many urban residential areas, especially where there are single units; the one that is just a house with four walls and nothing inside. In most places i have visited, there is a trench to dispose water outside the premises where tenants can pour waste water. People who stay on the fifth floor do not have time to carry waste water down the stairs so they just make it rain. There are also buildings that have pipes sticking from their ribs. These pipes drain waste water from the residential units to the street below.

This is the state of waste water disposal in our urban areas, despite clear guidelines in our laws that outline the correct ways of waste water disposal. Landlords should ensure that they have septic tanks for waste water disposal. Disposing water on a street is illegal and unhygienic. Then there are those who throw everything on the street from banana peels to used baby diapers. With such ways of living, does it surprise anyone that we are half a century old and still unblocking drains and having cholera outbreaks every now and then? Anyhow, it is what it is, man must live and shelter is a basic need. They also say the law is an ass, probably it got tired of carrying our waste disposal problems.

Nevertheless, i have some good tidings. Seeing that woman’s shower of embarrassment taught me a lesson or two. Lesson one, carry an umbrella and use it even if it is not raining. Lesson 2, wear shabby clothes when leaving the house, you will change in the bus or city council washroom. Feel free to adopt my lessons.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton